Precious
by Avium
Summary: Here's a one-shot attempt at writing. A little bit on Inu Yasha and his thoughts about his feelings for Kagome - nothing mushy...


Disclaimer: The usual stuff - all characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, and I'm in no way making a single dime off this, so you can't sue me!  
  
  
  
Precious  
  
Did she know how precious she was to him? How much her very existence affected him?  
  
Of course she doesn't. I've not shown any affection towards her on my part.  
  
Inu Yasha lodged high above the band of misfits on a well-chosen tree branch. The moon was casting and erry glow on all that she was gazing upon, luminating the forest in an unholy veil of white. The night both calmed and roused the blood within him, echoing to him his primal instincts and needs.  
  
He casted a glance downwards, surveying the group that was gathered about a campfire in a circle, most of them having long drifted off into dreamland. Those sunset depths came to rest momentarily on a certain teenage schoolgirl, and for a moment those depths glowed with a yearning.  
  
Inu Yasha dropped from his resting place, silently landing several feet away from the sleeping Kagome. He studied her features briefly, noting how the moonlight had highlighted her delicate skin and creamy complexion. For a moment he was lost in her youthfulness, her unspoilt beauty.  
  
At this point he leaned in just the slightest bit closer before drawing in a deep breathe. Her scent was as sweet as ever, a vemon that seeped right into his soul and stole from him reason and control. It was like an intoxicating perfume, eating right into his mind and taking over his limbs. Oh, he was so close, so very close.  
  
If I just reach out, I would have her in my arms.  
  
What a tempting thought that was!  
  
Just as suddenly as those thoughts had seized him, the dog-demon rose to his feet, shaking his head clear of them. For a moment he feared that his abrupt movement had stirred his sleeping companions, but all that followed was a rustle from the little kitsune as he tossed in his sleep.  
  
He knew that lingering any longer would only mean that his already tortured nerves would slip from his precarious grip, and he might do something that he would come to regret.  
  
I've got to get out of here now.  
  
With a sweeping movement Inu Yasha was on his way. He slipped silently through the forest, more like a shadow than the half-youkai he was. His keen senses caught all that was going around him, and from the peaceful echoes of the forest he knew that all was well, and that his absence would not cause the group to fall into any danger.  
  
Nah - actually, he was more concerned that his departure might leave a certain female exposed to the attacks of the many enemies that they have made in the course of their journey.  
  
What am I thinking?!  
  
He unwittingly released a growl of frustration into the night before quickening his pace. He finally came to his destination - a little lake in the forest clearing. Its undisturbed waters held the fallen half-moon in it. Inu Yasha dropped to a rest at the edge of the lake, sighing deeply while he studied the moon with half-hearted concentration.  
  
I must be crazy. To have gone so near her and risked so much.  
  
He dipped his fingertips into the icy waters, feeling the coolness numb the heat of desire within him. The ripples he created rocked the image of the moon briefly, and for a while he was completely at ease.  
  
Inu Yasha's eyelids flew open suddenly. The first sight that his keen eyes caught was the reflection of the moon. She was silent and glowing, as if mocking him in her own way.  
  
Hungry, hungry. Yet your desires cannot be fulfilled.  
  
The dog-demon gritted his teeth, sending his clawed hand slashing through the waters. The large ripples created distorted and tore the moon apart, and for a while it seemed as if he had won.  
  
But the moon cannot be destroyed. Slowly and surely, she took back her original shape in the waters, staring right back at Inu Yasha.  
  
You cannot destroy the moon.  
  
"Why must you tempt me?!" snarled the dog-demon to the lurid reflection.  
  
His cry had pierced through the forest like a sharpened blade. Amidst the tranquility of the night his voice seemed to upset the entire setting. A few birds stirred in their roost, but soon settled back to sleep. The dog- demon snarled, tearing at the waters with a look of madness in his eyes. He would not stop until the moon is gone.  
  
But no matter how many times he tried to do so, the moon would always form back on the crystal surface, resuming her silent mocking at his futile efforts.  
  
You cannot destroy me, and in the same way you cannot destroy your needs.  
  
  
  
Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up!!!  
  
Panting from his exertions, the dog-demon slowly fell to his bottom, coming to sit obediently on the edge of the lake like a little schoolboy once again. He screwed up his face in a frown, quite unable to believe that he had just allowed a mere reflection to steal from him his cool.  
  
Don't you understand, Kagome? You mean so much more to me than what my feelings would allow me to express.  
  
His father had died protecting him and his mother, but what really bothered him was the fact that the adversaries came for his human mother. Those foul creatures knew that his mother was the Great Lord of the West Land's foremost weakness, that he would sooner surrender his life than to risk that of his human mate's.  
  
In short, his mortal mother was a source of weakness, a constant sap at his father's ability to command respect and power.  
  
Or at least, that was what he initially thought.  
  
Travelling with his band of comrades, Inu Yasha had learnt to view humans in a different way. Sure, they were far weaker and have a nasty tendency to drop dead in battle, but there were much more to them. All these he had learnt from Kagome, who despite all his violent outbursts and cold treatments had stayed by him.  
  
He knew that she loved him.  
  
But what could he do? What could he say in reply?  
  
Is my option to mutter to her those 3 words of "I love you"?  
  
The dog-demon scowled at the thought of having to say such utterly mushy stuff to his closest companion. He knew that his voice level would probably drop to that of a mouse, and his disposition to flush violently would most probably ruin any romantic setting that he might have chosen for his confessions. Furthermore, he would have to deal with that annoying kitsune who was constantly with Kagome, not to mention the 2 potential nosey parkers whom he traveled with.  
  
Inu Yasha sighed out loudly, his breathe coming out in little wisps as his glance shifted towards the skies. The moon was overhead, triumphant and undefeated. She would still be there tonight, tomorrow, and all the nights after long into eternity. How could he, a mere half-youkai, sought to destroy this bringer of light?  
  
They would hunt her down in an attempt to destroy me, in the same way they hunted my mother to seek revenge on my father.  
  
The dog-demon had made many enemies throughout his life, and during the course of their journey the list only grew longer, the opponents each more dangerous than the last. It would be a matter of time before they would meet their match.  
  
So many times the image of the party lying motionless in a pool of blood had haunted his dreams. But he knew that it could well be the reality of tomorrow. That is why he never stopped fighting, never stopped trying to improve his skills, so that he might be able to fend off any would-be assassins.  
  
What would I do if they take her from me? Whatever shall I live for after that?  
  
Inu Yasha's had lived his life like a reckless bolt of lightning, flashing with glory and swiftly vanishing. That was his way of life until he came to know love, human love at that. It all began with Kikyou. Her strange human feelings had drawn him closer to humans, and for the first time in his life he felt the desire to live for someone else, to protect himself so that he would always be there for those that he cared for.  
  
But all too soon fate intervened. Kikyou and him had to be torn apart by a cruel twist of fate. When the arrow embalmed itself deep into his heart, his last thought was one of utter despair.  
  
He thought that he could never trust again.  
  
But how things changed 50 years later. There came this girl, a deadringer of his beloved. She was her, yet she was more than what Kikyou ever was. Kikyou had always been too in control of her feelings, too closed up to subject herself to emotional outbursts. Yet this seemingly demure schoolgirl of 15 was the exact opposite of her. When she was upset, she cried. When she was mad, she screamed out her frustration. When joy overcame her she would smile that radiant smile of hers.  
  
And most importantly, she taught him how to trust again. The secret of his human form now laid in the hands of more people than he thought he would have ever made it know to. Come to think of it, he didn't even trust Kikyou enough back then to let her into this knowledge.  
  
Deep down inside, he knew that he cared for her more than he ever did for Kikyou. Several times he had let his possessiveness get the better of him. Sometimes when he thought back of how he had reacted towards Kouga's attraction towards Kagome, he would blush a brilliant hue of red. Yet he knew that he wasn't over-reacting - he was that in love with her. So in love that the mere thought of losing her would send him into nights of restless sleep.  
  
But I can't tell her how much she means to me. I can't even show it to her.  
  
Because in the same way those foes came for his father, they would first seek to hurt his mother. How easy it was to send one into a complete loss of self-control if their most precious were threatened! If only his father had not loved his human mate so much, then he might not have to die while protecting her. She was his weakness, his hubris, his final caller.  
  
No, he will not subject Kagome to all these. If he were to make her his mate, his enemies would come for her blood instead, knowing how fatal a blow they can deal to him by taking her away forever.  
  
She will be my weakness.  
  
But he was not doing this out of a desire to keep his power - he had none to worry about in the first place, as his older brother would have said.  
  
I can't let them hurt you.  
  
Because. You're the reason that I'm living for.  
  
And because you are so precious to me, I can only protect you by not loving you.  
  
I'm sorry, Kagome.  
  
If fate is kind, then someday I shall be able to let you into my heart.  
  
But for now, all I can say is that I'm sorry.  
  
Sorry for all my outbursts and coldness.  
  
All because.you are precious.  
  
~ End  
  
Author's notes: Okay, so I did this on a whim. Flames and comments all welcomed! Just don't toast the monitor too hard! I'm into all these mushy mushy stuff, so you can't blame me for this. I thought that instead of going into one of those super-sweet "I love you" thingy, it would be more interesting to show why (in my opinion) Inu Yasha is always unable to express his true feelings to Kagome! Well, thanks for wasting your time here! 


End file.
